You don’t have to figure this out alone.
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Let’s find out where you are.
WHAT NO ONE IS HELPING YOU WITH
Five things (at least!) collapsing at once, and your lawyer only covers the legal side of them.
YOUR KIDS
What do they need from you when you're barely holding it together? How do you protect that relationship through the hardest season of your life without pretending everything is fine? Those questions deserve real answers, not guesses.
MONEY
You're keeping the lights on, managing what the kids need, and trying to figure out how to rebuild. All at the same time. Nobody handed you a plan for that. Get a real divorce-specific plan for today, next month, and five years from now.
YOURSELF
You weren't taught to ask for help. Most men weren't. But pushing through without support or a framework isn't toughness. It's a cost you're paying without knowing it. The toll shows up later, in ways you don't see coming.
THE CHAOS
You don't know which direction it's coming from next. Every new piece of information sends you somewhere, and you end up correcting course months later. That's the real problem: you're always reacting. Getting ahead of the chaos is the key. Coaching doesn't give you all the answers. It gives you a map so you stop navigating blind.
TIME
Puzzling everything together by yourself takes time. The longer the process drags out, the more each of the previous four issues multiply and feed each other. Instead, take the guesswork off of the table and re-invest that time into your health, your family, and all of the parts that you may be rebuilding.
I was the dad who didn't see the chaos coming.
"I felt like I was always behind the chaos instead of ahead of it."— John, founder, First Step Divorce Coaching
I wasn't just going through a divorce. It was disorganized chaos: trying to protect my kids, keep finances from collapsing, stay functional at work, and hold myself together. All at the same time. Nobody told me those things were connected. Handling them in the wrong order and with the wrong priority cost me tens of thousands of dollars and time I couldn't get back.
I pieced it together from lawyers, friends, articles, and people who'd been through divorces. Nobody had answers. They had sympathy. Sympathy doesn't pay your lawyer. Every new piece of information sent me in a direction my lawyer or therapist had to correct months later. I felt like I was always behind the chaos instead of ahead of it.
I didn't need someone to fight for me in court. I had that. I had a great lawyer but not the comprehensive, wrap-around help of someone who could make sense of the whole picture.
Your lawyer and therapist are essential. They just don't cover everything.
| Option | Cost | What it covers | What it doesn't |
|---|---|---|---|
| Your lawyer | $300–500/hr | Legal rights, filings, court process | Parenting strategy, financial decisions, day-to-day navigation. Expensive per question. |
| Therapist | $150–250/hr | Mental health treatment, emotional processing | Divorce-specific practical decisions, rapid access, questions that can't wait. |
| First Step Divorce Coaching fills the gap | $33/hr group $100 1:1 |
Decisions, finances, parenting strategy, rapid access, and men in the room who already get it. No explaining required. | You may already have a lawyer and a therapist. Either way, nobody is connecting the dots between them. That's this. Better decisions mean fewer billable hours. Coaching pays for itself and often puts money back in your pocket. |
Why men need this. And why the stakes are real.
Every card below links directly to its peer-reviewed or primary source. Read them yourself.
Of 402,391 adult suicides in the U.S. between 2003 and 2020, 20% were linked to intimate partner problems including divorce, separation, and breakup. Among those decedents, 78.7% were male.
risk group
Divorced and separated fathers are identified as a particularly at-risk male subpopulation. This elevated risk is attributed to painful separation from children, an intense decrease in social support, and a sense of failure and shame associated with marital breakdown.
Divorced men are roughly twice as likely to report depressive episodes in the two years following a divorce than divorced women. Men tend to rely on their partner as their primary emotional support, and lose that connection when the relationship ends.
The rate of first-onset Alcohol Use Disorder increases approximately sixfold in men following divorce, even after accounting for family history and prior risk factors. Divorce removes the protective structure of marriage at the same moment it creates the greatest stress.
More hopeful.
Men in peer support groups reported reduced isolation, increased sense of belonging, and access to support unavailable anywhere else, including individual therapy. Peer groups increased autonomy, self-efficacy, and hopefulness while decreasing distress.
recovery
A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials found group peer support interventions may be specifically effective for supporting personal recovery. These are outcomes that clinical treatment alone does not consistently produce.
In 2023, only 45.9% of U.S. men age 18 and older with a mental illness received any treatment in the past year. More than half of men who needed help did not get it.
vs 56.9%
Only 41.6% of men with any mental illness received treatment, compared to 56.9% of women. This 15-point gap is confirmed in the largest annual mental health survey in the United States.
Despite strong evidence that divorced and separated men face elevated risks of depression, isolation, alcohol use disorder, and suicide, and that peer support and structured coaching produce meaningful recovery outcomes, there remains a significant gap in services designed specifically for this population. First Step Divorce Coaching exists to fill that gap.
Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), free, confidential, 24/7. Or text HOME to 741741. 988lifeline.org
A note on this research: Every source above is peer-reviewed or published by a national health authority. First Step Divorce Coaching is coaching, not therapy, and does not provide clinical treatment. But the evidence on why men avoid formal support and why peer connection in structured settings works applies directly to what coaching offers.
Someone who has been exactly where you are.
"I felt like I was always behind the chaos instead of ahead of it."— John Perkins, Founder, First Step Divorce Coaching
I'm completing graduate training in Mental Health Counseling. I work with group, individual, and couples clients. After two decades in the workforce, I made a deliberate decision to redirect my experience toward helping men navigate one of the hardest seasons of their lives.
I've also been through it. I was a dad navigating divorce without a map, making expensive mistakes in the wrong order, and figuring it out the hard way. That experience is what First Step Divorce Coaching is built on.
What I bring to this work: someone who has been where you are, who understands the research, and who built the resources I wish had existed. We were not just meant to survive divorce. Let's discover the strengths you already have to emerge calmer and more resilient.
Start where it makes sense for you.
Virtual coaching nationwide. In-person in Indianapolis. Pick the format that fits where you are right now.
Weekly sessions with 6-8 men navigating the same terrain. Men in the room who already get it. No explaining required.
- ✓Weekly group sessions
- ✓A brotherhood of men who've been there
- ✓Parenting & financial frameworks
- ✓Rapid response add-on available
Virtual anywhere in the U.S. or in-person in Indianapolis. For complex or urgent situations where you need undivided attention.
- ✓Tailored to your situation
- ✓Virtual nationwide or in-person
- ✓Financial & parenting decisions
- ✓Rapid response add-on available
A quick focused response when something can't wait. If your question opens into a conversation, that's fine. This is about getting you an answer, not watching the clock.
- ✓Available to active clients only
- ✓Real-time access between sessions
- ✓Context-aware. I know your story.
Get started.
Send us a quick note and let’s map out the next steps together.